Self-communication: naming insecurities and overcoming negative self-talk.
It has taken me a cool 29 years, but I have finally decided to not only accept but also to embrace my nose. My massive, massive nose.
It's been the focal point of my insecurities for a very long time. I can even pinpoint the very moment when I realized just how ginormous it was: French class, Mme Lidestone, Grade 6. We were doing some sort of “Face Unit” where we learned all the different ways to describe the various features of the human face. Starting with face shape (oval, round, square, or heart-shaped) to different eyes, ears, mouths, etc. I don’t remember the descriptors for all of them, but I remember the noses as if it were yesterday. Le nez petit, le nez grande, le nez pointu, and the ugliest of them all: Le Nez Ronde. As the classroom of 11-to-12-year-olds went through their little workbooks, looking to create faces that resembled each other in Canada’s second language, Matthew Cohn looked up from the nose drawings in front of him straight at me and proclaimed, “Le nez ronde looks exactly like Katt’s nose!” Of course, everyone looked to take a gander at my honker – le nez gross, le nez obese. The depiction on the page resembled a pig’s snout more than anything that should belong on a little girls’ face. This little girl’s face went about a hundred shades of red and my nose grew a hundred times rounder as the others laughed and agreed – yes, le nez ronde and the sad lump of flesh on my face bared the most striking resemblance to all the other nez and all the other classmates.
Since then, there have been many other comments made towards my poor nose. It has been grabbed at and called “flabby”. It’s also been called the only thing I have in common with my father, which I assure you, is not a compliment. Of course, I’ve also heard that it’s a fine nose, in proportion with the rest of my face. But let’s take a minute to think about that one. Is that something to say to make someone feel better? Sure, you’re rockin’ le nez ronde but don’t worry, it works fine on that fat face of yours. And let’s not forget, my personal favourite: “It gives you character”. Trust me – I don’t need any more character. I have about 30 different characters to choose from at any given time. I have character flying out of every orifice on my entire body.
After many years of reflection and consideration, I have decided- yes, I do have a big fatty snout nose, and guess what? I fucking like it! You heard it here first. Le Nez Petit is out and Le Nez Ronde is in. All you Matthew Cohn’s with their petit nez’s of the world can bow down to my big fat nose. I was given this nose for some sad, sick reason and moving forward I am going to enjoy every minute with it. I’ll stop to smell the roses. Why yes, I do want to sniff that perfume sample. You better believe I will continue to put my big fat nose in places where it doesn’t belong.
So here I am - pushing 30 and finally coming to terms with this insecurity. Sometimes it’s hard to look at ourselves positively. It’s hard not to feel self-conscious. I say that every time you start thinking about something you don’t like about yourself, distract your brain from going down the dark hole of negative talk and focus on your favourite thing about yourself. Any time you start going down the self-hate path, remind yourself of this thing. You don’t have to tell anyone about it. It’s yours, so own it. For me, it’s my legs. I think I have great legs. When I start slipping into despair about say, my fat nose or whatever else, I stop and think: I like my legs. And boy am I grateful to have these well-shaped long limbs in order to hold up this big fat nose all day long.